I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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