Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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