watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
