Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize