my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
