break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
