The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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