I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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