lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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