I cannot find my penis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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