if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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