yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize