i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
