so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
