Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize