My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
