it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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