We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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