i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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