there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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