Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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