it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize