I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
