I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
