I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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