i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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