you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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