I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
