if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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