I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
