if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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