What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dignity is for republicans.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i now understand why vodka
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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