Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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