Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize