There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
