I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
