i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
