I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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