there's paper in my vomit.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
