I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
