google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
