I want to make a zoo with you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
