you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize