alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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