john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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