I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize