I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
