The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
