so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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