She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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