I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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