need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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