You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
