Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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