Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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