put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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