His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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