he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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