Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
