I feel like abortions should bother me more
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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