so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
