We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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