whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
