dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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