every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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